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BNAI MITZVAH FAMILY CAMP
August 2008


With the knowledge that the journey into adulthood greatly impacts the whole family—parents, siblings, relatives and friends—we invited families of children becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the coming year to spend a week together to explore this significant rite of passage through creative arts, experiences in nature, Torah study and peer-group discussions. The weeklong Bnai Mitzvah Family Camp, co-sponsored by Jewish Milestones and Storahtelling, was hosted at the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center/ Elat Chayyim Center for Jewish Spirituality in Falls Village, Connecticut, in late August.

The program kicked off with what jokingly came to be referred to as “early dismissal”—the announcement that, according to Jewish law (halakhah), a boy at 13 and a day, or a girl at 12 and a day, need do nothing more active than survive another day of middle school to qualify as a bar or bat mitzvah. No service-leading, no speech, no missed soccer practice. Indeed, one does not “have” a bar or bat mitzvah since one doesn’t “have” to do anything or “have” anything done. The have of bar or bat mitzvah comes in when something—ritual, special event, party—is held to mark the transition, the “becoming.”

“That was a serious revelation,” recalls one twelve-year-old participant. “It meant that, if we were going to do something [to mark the occasion], it was going to have to have a reason and that reason better be good!”

The challenge of making the bar or bat mitzvah ritual personally meaningful was at the heart of the program. The core questions we engaged in, through activities and discussions, were:

  • What is the essence of this rite of passage to you? Your family? Within Judaism?

  • Who is your Jewish community? What are the roles, privileges, and responsibilities of adult Jews in your community (e.g., service leadership, Torah literacy, social and/or political action, philanthropy, cultural identity and involvement, connection to Israel, etc.)?

  • What course of challenging engagement and study would lead to the acquisition of skills and knowledge for this particular child? How will this child be different as a result of this process? How will he or she be more prepared to join the adult Jewish community that your family is a part of?


The core programmatic component was based on Storahtelling's trademarked methodology of dramatic translation and interpretation of Torah. Families engage in a variety of creative modalities that culminate in a re-imagined, participant-driven Torah service on Shabbat.

Overall, the retreat, piloted for the first time with this core group of families, had the intended effect on participants, as the mother of twin girls, wrote in her evaluation:
    The retreat was a total blessed breakthrough for each of us as individuals and as a family unit. We were so stuck – we didn’t know how to begin to talk to one another about the Bat Mitzvah without tears and recriminations. We could not have had this breakthrough without you – there are no comparable resources within our shul. I feel through the various group activities and individual consultations/conversations we now have a framework for the process – the start of a process that will lead not only to a deeply satisfying Bat Mitzvah celebration but will no doubt deepen our commitment and love of Judaism and connection to the Jewish people. This experience has opened our hearts to the joyfulness of community and Jewish celebration. An unquenchable thirst has found a spring.


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A VIEW FROM CAMP